Hey there!

It’s been a while. I guess you could say I hit pause on this blog, left the controller on the couch, and wandered off to tackle some real-life quests. Like self-publishing my first novel—and having a baby!

Yep, literally three days after I published my first book, I found out I was pregnant. Lots of dreams coming true all at once. And it’s kept me pretty busy.

So why am I back now?

Last month, my husband and I took our two-year-old son to the new Nintendo Store in San Francisco. It was simple bliss. I treated myself to a Zelda-themed backpack and water bottle. My son added to his Pokémon plushie collection, and I think he was starstruck by the giant Pikachu. Meanwhile, I was just standing there feeling nostalgic.

That little day trip brought me back to a simpler time before parenthood. I used to work a 9-to-5 job, then come home and escape into other worlds with a controller hand. Whether it was a caffeine-fueled Friday night or a lazy Sunday, gaming was my favorite type of fun.

I can pinpoint when that changed. The last game I truly immersed myself in from beginning to end was Cyberpunk 2077—in winter 2020. The world outside was still and strange during the pandemic, and I was facing some health scares. I curled up in my old apartment across from Golden Gate Park, the world outside dark and noisy. But inside, the neon lights from Night City flickered across the room while I recovered. That game became a haven that helped me forget my pain and fear for a little while.

Fast-forward to 2023. I gave birth to my beautiful son—let’s call him Capital-L, since his name starts with an L. Once again, I faced some scary health stuff. And becoming a parent is a whirlwind nothing prepares you for. But I also have this sweet memory of playing Hogwarts Legacy with my newborn nestled into the crook of my arm, my cat warming my legs.

But after the newborn bubble popped, it was back to reality. I was now a stay-at-home mom AND an entrepreneur trying to build a new career as an author. It’s a lot like balancing on a rickety ship in stormy waters. I want to find the right balance… but I’m usually happy to just keep my footing and not fall overboard.

Obviously, video games (and other hobbies) did go overboard.

Not to say I haven’t dabbled in games since then. I played Diablo IV co-op with my husband. I’m currently modding Skyrim to be a cozy handheld game. I started Dragon Age: The Veilguard. My husband and I are currently into Split Fiction, too.

But honestly? It’s hard to focus on games now, let alone finish them. My days are full. I wake up before dawn to write. I work during my son’s nap. I study Spanish, research toddler development, cook meals, clean up meals, squeeze in workouts. By nightfall, I’m lucky to make it to the couch, let alone pick up a controller and battle fictional monsters.

Because playing takes effort—decisions, consequences, restarts. And right now, I’m tired.

But I miss it. Not just the games, for all their immersion and magic. It’s more like I miss that version of me. The gamer girl who found meaning in the stories, in the characters, in living a second life through games. I even worked in the video game industry for years. Gaming was such a huge part of my identity, it’s hard to feel complete without it.

Now that my son is two years old, I am slowly coming back to my old self. Or my “young” self, depending on how you look at it. This year, I’ve been reading more books. I tried crocheting. I make time to catch up with my sister every week. I even joined a gym.

And as I stood in that Nintendo Store last month, watching Capital-L knock over a display while rolling on the floor (as toddlers do), it hit me.

I’m still a gamer. She’s still here. And she wants to play again.

Because that’s what this is really about: play. In the chaos of new motherhood and building a writing career, I forgot to make space for it. For joy and imagination. For myself.

But I’m ready now.

Robo♥︎Beat is back. She turns thirteen this month. That means she’s a teenager—probably a little moody, and I’m not sure how often she’ll show up. But she’s definitely full of passion. I’m so glad to be spending time with her again.

Thanks for being here. New posts are coming, and I can’t wait to catch up after all these years. Let’s play.

— Ashley